Hi hi im back. After a year or 2. Haha... life is getting more interesting. Havent really been frustrated much during this period so far. But I have to admit times sure sucked when it was bad.

My dear little boy has grown a lot now. Not really that grown up. But he has grown considerably.

Daddy life hasnt been as tough as it should have been all this while. Maining because I havent engaged much. I still haven't forgotten how to change a diaper. But I have learnt how to bathe babies. Hahahaha. Valuable knowledge

 I now have reached a point where daddy duties are needed direly and it is at this point where I ask: Do I have the daddy material in me? Tough truth but I dont have it quite yet. My patience isnt up to scratch and currently my mobility is limited.

 I just fractured my right ankle close to a month ago and it has been healing steadily this past month. Havent gone out for this period of time.

But im not really bothered actually. I got to realise my lack of daddy-ism hahahaha...

 My plan now is to wake up and change my kid's diapers in the morning. Accompany him to watch videos and play whatever he wants to play.

For those that dont understand why kids get cranky when u want them to play games ur way. U'll understand it when they want you to play games their way or play their games. Its damn boring!!! Hahaahaha...

Im close to completing my NS already. Wooooo shiok ar!!! And im ready to move on to carve my name in society. Thats all for now...

Balance

Finding balance in life would be the ultimate achievement. Being able to cater time and effort for everything equally will mean a certain amount of satisfaction for everyone. Being home, going out. Spending the amount of time we are required to spend, making sure we make do the best we can while spending time. Yet even as we know all these steps. Balance is so hard to achieve. I really wonder if I can find balance in this life of mine. I cannot spend more than a fixed amount of time on this, or that. I would always be told that I shouldn't spend time on things that I enjoy. Doesn't matter if I were to fulfill my responsibilities for specific tasks. At the end of the day, I would have to totally forgo what I enjoy in life. Take away my responsibilities, even for just a day. When everything has been said and done, the result would always be the same. Why? Why are you always spending time on the wrong things? I guess I just have to stop doing everything I want to do. Stop playing soccer, because I can't have lunch together with my family. If I were to limit the time for me to play, I might as well forgo the activity entirely. By the time I were to calculate traveling time and money, it simply would not be worth it. I should stop meeting friends, because I won't be home. I can't tell my friends to come over every time. Wouldn't they be missing out time with their family members? We can't say that our outing must end at a certain timing. What if we were suppose to finish our outing or activity at maybe 3? Would that mean that I must just stop whatever I was doing and just leave? I should just stash my consoles and laptops away. Since they don't give me sufficient knowledge on how to make a living in the real world. They make me spend less time with people. Then I would have more money. Then I would have spend all my time doing the Correct and appropriate thing. And my friends should follow suit, because they should find balance too, or they are bad influences. Man... I'm just a bad person. Yea. Always thinking for myself. So selfish. Don't deserve anything worthwhile. I must give in and learn to be the role model. I'm a father now, I have to live a fixed and idealistic lifestyle.

How Street Fighter made a difference!

Before this, I had absolutely no clue on any fighting games, occasionally after school I would sneak to the arcades and spend a few dollars on mvc2. But all I knew was to mash as hard as I could and hope I would have some spectular skill be activated.

2 years ago I was introduced to Street Fighter 4 by my facilitators in my school. As usual, having no idea of how to play the game, I just took the controller and mashed. I lost, and I lost hard to everyone in class. Especially my facilitators, who were much more experienced than I was. Most of the time, losing continually would make a person think that it would be just a waste of time.

I was ready to just quit and go find something else that would interest me. That is until one day, my close friend opened the command list and told me to try every move. It was hard at first, accidentally jumping when I wanted to do motions for the fireball. Staring at the controller wondering why I could never do the link from mp to another mp with ryu.

But what made me want to put in the effort to learn that game, was doing ultras. In SF4, that was the highlight for me, whenever I could end a match with an ultra, it made my day. Coincidentally, I had picked up smoking awhile before engaging myself in SF4. Street fighter 4 made me smoke less, when my friends went to smoke, I would tell them, "hang on, let me try this combo I saw from youtube".

Although it didn't help me quit, it delayed me and made me think before lighting up.

On my final year in school, we held a mini course tournament among ourselves and our facilitators. It was the first time I actually competed for anything concerning games, and I finished the tournament as the champion. It made me realize that age plays no matter in the world of gaming.I won my facilitators on that day as well. (OH YEA!!!) Age doesn't determine the results, it was the effort and the experience.

Playing Street Fighter has let me meet people that I would never have crossed paths with. I got to play with Xian, my country's top sf player. (It was a quick and swift victory for him. Ha!) I got to meet people from other walks of life, and I would normally keep to myself but because of my love for street fighter I came out of my shell and made some awesome friends.

All these past experiences were great, but the one experience I would never forget was when my wife was having our first child. Every night she would sit beside me and watch me battle for pp and bp online. To the point where, whenever we wanted our baby to move or respond to us while he was still in her stomach, all I had to do was to turn on any sf videos from YouTube. He would always be active whenever I played sf videos.

To others it may just be a video game, but to me, it is and will always be more than just a learning experience. Whenever I feel like I can't achieve something, there will always be someone who tells me...

SHOR-YU-KEN!!!

(Oh I'm from Singapore, but I hope if I do by some stroke of luck get picked, want you guys to know I don't mind paying for any shipment billing or stuff)

Judgement Day!!!

Mehhhh......

Today going to enter tekong.

Mehhh.....

HAHAHAH!!!

Am i totally ready? Most probably not. But... I'm ready to just go with the flow.

Gonna get some macs for freaking early breakfast!!!

Hopefully i get to see what really goes on behind the scenes today, so i can prepare myself for this coming [MAYBE fucked up] 2 weeks.

READY TO GO.

CIAO!

How things have changed... Well i think most of it.

Last post was dated on Apr 7 2011. 7 months ago. Well it would be if this post were up two days later. But that is not the point.

Many things have changed. And i would like to update things. Not for people the online, [well obviously you all have some part in it, since i'm posting it online. -.-"]but mainly for myself, to "SEE" how things have progressed [supposedly] to this day.

Number one. MAJOR change. I found out i was a father, on MOTHER'S DAY. [HA! Well don't know why i find that funny, but i do.] Well for my [NOW officially big] baby, it was not a surprise that she was expecting, not that i was expecting it either. Decisions were made, first irreversible ones, then came the down-to-earth and reasonable ones.

And on the 20th of October 2011, my wife / big baby, became official parents. Saying hello to our little muffin:) Mr Gian Yuu Jie. Funny how we couldn't find a suitable english name to go with his mandarin one. Nonetheless we definitely love his puny punk ass. HAHA!

Regrets? Nope. Life Changing? Do you even need to ask?





Number two. National Service... Ah.. The dreaded journey for most Singaporean boys. Boys because, we have not experienced a part of life that i hope never becomes reality. I would have expected or even dared bet that i would dread the day i would be enlisted.

Yet. Today i find myself [although not exactly eager] waiting for that day to come, almost as though i'm wishing for those days to arrive sooner. I'm like 90% prepared for enlistement. Minus the cheap but durable watch, some transparent ear studs, and still contemplating whether i should get myself a pair of spare spectacles.

So what does this say?

I'm thinking... I want to run away.

From what? Fears and troubles of bringing a kid up? KA-PESSHHHH! Nonsense. Ever-ready to bring this little punk to his fullest potential.

Reason for not being scared? Simply because he's a [although not exact, that would be scary/freaky] replica of me. Thinking about what good he can do for himself in the future ain't my concern. It's the bad that i'm looking out for, been there done that. [HA didn't expect that i could use this term literally so soon] I can handle the future.:)

Keeping on track now, i would say i'm running away from facing my dad. Yea. Dad. Something that can be the simplest yet most confusing task any male can take on. What makes a dad? Today, i'm unable to give a complete answer.

However, i know there isn't just ONE single way to be a father.

So....


1. Baby Surprise.
2. NS.
3. Conflicting Views on that of a Father's responsibilities.


Ok that makes only 3 changes.

Pretty interesting for just 3 things, i'll update this again when i'm ready to do so.

Suddenly Life Becomes A Chore.

I wonder how much I can disappoint.

I wonder how much I'm worth as of now to you.

I've kept far and distant. And so I tried to go a little closer.

Guess it'll always be too close for comfort.

I promise I will not share my burdens with any of you.

I promise to TRY to be worth SOMETHING.

I promise you won't have to bother.

I promise you won't have to take the blame.

I promise you I will keep this promise.

And if I break it, I would have been broken, much more than any of you could fix.

I have been, in bubble after bubble. Dreaming like an idiot. No, i still dream, but the bubbles can't contain me as they have used to. I hate this. Never alone, but much more lonely than before. Because I still contain. As I will continue to do so till the day I pass.

Every look you shoot, my heart turns colder, my resolute even stronger, my worth even lesser. Thanks for teaching one thing though. If I dared to care, I should tell myself that i'm just giving myself an equal chance to be hurt.