Klass-ified

Right now... I just think.. I'm dead. Wanna know why?

Oh well, even if you don't want to read, here it is.

I think... I've been dead since secondary school. Because... That was the time, where i lost my laughter. I wear my laughing face most of the time. To be a joker, lamer, nonsense-maker. Why?

I can't laugh truthfully anymore... I've lost the essence of laughing...

Hear my laughter
See my smile

I'm pretty sure their all conditioned responses already. I laugh to fit in, i laugh because it is supposedly healthier. I laugh, not because it is funny anymore. Those are just hollow cries of evidence that i'm dead.

I've been told, that a person's true personality comes out when they are tipsy or drunk. I laughed WHOLEHEARTLY for 1 hour AT LEAST, NON-STOP, the first time i got tipsy.

After that. I've realised. My laughter has been hollow. Empty, non-existant. My smiles are fake too. I just smile, because i don't want people to hate me. I smile, because i look friendlier that way. If i don't smile, i look pissed, i look murderous [thks to whoever that said that to me. Seriously.]

Secondary school. I tot i was stepping one emo. Black and all that shit. Guess what?

I'm turning darker inside by the second. Literally too.

I don't need someone to save me.
I don't need sympathy.
I don't need.
I don't.

Because i doubt.
Because i'm a non-believer.
Because i don't want to.
Because i'm pretty sure, there is no one.

I'm tired of wearing masks.
I don't wanna to go to school anymore.
I wanna sit down and just fade away.
I want to observe.
I then want to think about what i've observed.
I want to see people, yet i don't want them to see me.

Isn't that like a ghost?
I think i am a ghost.
Ghost can't laugh.
Ghost do what they want.

I do what i want.
Yet.
I do not want what i do.
Disgusting.
Contradicting isn't it?
Do you understand me?
You will never understand me.
My world is shut out from here.
Right now, even i don't have the keys.
But when i find it.
What do you think i'll do?
Don't even think about it.



Take a listen.
To my music.
Wait.
Don't.
You can't understand anyway.

I'll just give a hint.
Music makes me dream.
Dreaming makes me think.
And i am not the most optimistic person on earth.
HAHA!
Was that real?
Was that fake?
Can you tell?
If there was a tone in it.
If i said that right in your faces.
Would you understand?
Can you interpret?

Time.
Money.
Feelings.
Health.

All about me huh?
But you shouldn't care.
Because i don't care.
Caring is Sharing?
That proves i ain't sharing or caring huh?
Guess that's right.

Why is this klassified?
Make a guess.
This may be one of the few things you can guess correctly.
Go Go Go Go Go...

I think i said this before.
Lots of barriers.
Know what?
No you don't.
I'll just tell you.
Their getting thicker.
Interpret.
I'll tell you though.
Many things are related to it.
Thicker.
Heavier.
Soon i'll just sink.

This.
Is.
Darker.
Than.
BLACK.

I'm not done.
You thought that was the end didn't you.
Don't lie.
Because i'll just catch you.

Lying...
Most fun thing to do?
I think quite so.
I lie.
Everyday.
Am i lying?
I tell u that i lie everyday.
I said.
I tell u that i lie everyday.

WHAT SAY YOU?
Wait.
I don't want to hear it anymore.
Now.
I have something that i want.
Catch.
Get the catch?

Oh.
I forgot.
I'm too confusing already.
Read.
Continue reading.
People.
Just continue.
Satisfy me.
Feed me.
Tell me.
Show me.
Care for me.

Because i can't.
Do.
It.
For myself.

You must have tot something dirty for that.
Lies.
Emotional.
Psychic.

Make me up.
Understand?
I doubt you do.
Even my parents don't understand.

I've been told by my relatives.
They don't understand what i do sometimes.
They LIED.
They.
Don't.
Understand.
What i do.
MOST.
OF.
THE.
TIME.

I'm like an ant.
Apparently.
Crowding around those electrical wires.
For who knows what.

I don't want to try.
I'm thinking.
How?

Who do you think you are?
Wondering?
Wondering about?
Wondering about who this question is for?
Continue wondering.
If you wonder.
Then you'll never get the answer.
There are ONLY two answers.
Think.
But i think everyone will just misunderstand.

And why am i somehow happy about it?
FUCK THIS SHIT.
HAHA!
I'm growing.
Something i don't know.
Into.

Go figure.
Should be easy.



How does it feel?
I don't know.
What am i feeling now?

I think i should give a chance.
Hey people.
One chance.
I may give more.
But i'm afraid.
Afraid.
That.
I'll be gone.
Before.
Another chance comes.