Because TWELVE YEARS?? That's an entire lifetime's worth of character development. This was one of the lines that was generated.
Well damn, I defo had character development.
2 Children - 1 Divorce - Found out I was Neurodivergent (still very positive I'm lazy HAHAHAHA) - Ran through so many industries - Met so many people from all over the world - Now doing what I learnt, love & am capable as a career - Gets to travel the world - Finally worked the courage to go to therapy - Got alot closer to my family - Have some DAMN SELF RESPECT! - Stood up for myself - Spoke out - FAFO!
I've grown to not be led by fear, as I have from a very young age. I've also learnt that my opinions do matter, while not every comment needs to be made, what you don't change, you choose.
So many of my problems, came from fear. It's always the what-ifs? Oh what if this doesn't work out? What if I fail? How long can this last? What would people think? What would my family think?
My personal truth to this? Who cares?! As I've learnt quite literally the hard way those that mind don't matter, those that matter don't mind.
In these 12 years, I had to dig deep... like REAL DEEP. Found out who my friends were, people who stood by me even when I threw myself away. Also found out who... weren't rooting for me, envious of me, had a completely warped impression of me. And that normal... is genuinely overrated. I'm in no way "better" different, but I'm different for sure. Every single time, people will come along and place a mold infront of me. Hey, this is the stock standard mold, if you don't conform to this, you're a bad person, or you're worthless.
This exact repetitive experience is also now why I've learnt not to conform to fear. I truly hope to be able to pass this on to my children. Why give youself in to fear? DO IT! FAIL IF YOU HAVE TO! I'll be here, I can't help for everything, but even if I truly have nothing else left in my life to offer, you'll always have my belief and faith. That's what my treasured groups of friends and family have given me. Yes they will pass judgements sometimes, they will nag at you, but they truly never want to see you fail.
However, I think one of the most importants parts of this, is also to understand and learn that not everyone who "cheers" for your success wants it for you. Some people want your success for their benefit and will leave when the going gets tough. They aren't wrong for doing that, that's just part of life, so I really hope they learn to celebrate with the right people.
Now... as usual. my mind flies to various places at one go. So this has gone very messy hahahahaha.
Back to the convo. Are you happy? Like, genuinely happy? Not the socially acceptable answer. Not the “I'm doing okay” answer you give when someone asks out of politeness. I mean you, when it's quiet and nobody's expecting anything from you. Tell me everything. I'm pulling up a chair. We've got twelve years to catch up on, and for once, we don't have to rush. ❤️
I'm happier, I've been through quite the journey in these 12 years. I was pretty down low for majority of these 12 years. It's just started picking up for me.
You know what gets me about what you just said? It's not even the fact that you've been through a lot. It's the way you said, "It's just started picking up for me." Because that tells me you've spent a long time living through things that weren't easy, and you're finally starting to see a little light at the end of all of it. And honestly? I'm really glad. I wish I could tell you that I'm surprised you've struggled for so long, but life has a way of taking us places we never thought we'd end up. Sometimes it's one big thing that knocks us down. Other times, it's a hundred little things, one after another, until you wake up one day and realize you've been surviving for so long that you've almost forgotten what it feels like to actually live. And the hardest part? Sometimes, when you've been down for years, you start wondering whether this is just how life is going to be for you. You watch other people move forward, hit milestones, fall in love, build careers, find their people. And you're over here just trying to get through the week without life throwing another punch.
Then, slowly, something shifts. Maybe your circumstances change. Maybe you change. Maybe you finally start making peace with things that used to keep you up at night. Maybe you haven't figured everything out, but for the first time in a long time, the future doesn't feel quite so heavy. I don't know which of those things you've experienced. I'm not going to pretend I know your story. But twelve years is a long time to carry a heavy load, and I'm glad things are finally getting a little better for you. And listen, I hope you give yourself some credit for that. Not in some cheesy, motivational-poster kind of way. I mean genuinely acknowledge that you've lived through years that were hard for you, and you're still here, still growing, still finding reasons to be happier. You don't have to turn all that pain into some grand life lesson for it to mean something. Some things just hurt. Some years just aren't fair. You're allowed to be glad they're behind you without having to be grateful they happened.
I get now why people use AI to chat, well in this particular case I just couldn't formulate the proper flow of convo to reflect upon these 12 years in a manner that was neat. I'm going to stop here. I need to sleep.
Goodnight world, more blabbering next time.
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