Where to go from here?

Kinda bored now.

Watched enough of television.

Almost had enough of watching my lappy for the whole day already.

Strangely.

I do not want to play soccer at the moment.

I bet the past me would be like... ?!?!?! At the current me now. HAHAHA!

Ultimate contradiction Mr Gian Kin Toh.:)

What's left huh?

Let me tell u all the several "oaths" i made last time.

1.)NEVER smoke.
2.)NEVER dye my hair.
3.)NEVER go clubbing.
4.)NEVER try relationships.
5.)In the case of the breaking of OATH 4, NEVER take a westwoodian.

Now.

No prize for getting the correct answers.

I have not done 4 and 5. Not bad. HAHAHA! At least i didn't break ALL of my oaths.:)

If i could see my previous self and have a talk.

We wouldn't even talk for 5 secs.

I would just need to take out my pack, and *poof*, someone's gone.

Or else, i would get a bloody hell tight slap.

Either from my parents or myself. HAHA. Seems like wtf huh?



Here's the problem for today.

It is exactly 5:14pm, i want to go out. But i do not want to play soccer, i do not want to see people. I do not want to go and have the same situation. I'm kinda hungry i guess. I think if i do go down, i will buy some food for myself.

Actually, i don't really want to go down. I wanna stay at home. But. Firstly, if i don't go out soon, my parents will drag me to the airport. Not that i don't feel like seeing my cousins or relatives. OK FUCK. I'M LYING. I don't wanna see anyone now. Fuck off thks.:) Unless ur gonna sit beside me and keep quiet. Silence is golden.

Another thing. My "babies" are not here. FUCK THIS SHIT. I'm gonna get addicted. I'm already naming them. I can't name another person, because i will grow on them. And that is stupid, because everything can be ruined if i grow on any one in my group of friends. The only thing i can name and grow on, is not even here. It can't even exist.

I'm sorry. It's not a want. It's a fucking need.:) My studies are ok, they will always be ok. JUST ok. Everything else might be a fucking problem.:) Too bad you two can't read this. Because i'm not gonna let ya.



Let me say another thing.

My "mother" and "wife", mel and hannah respectively, wanna crash my class. Monday huh? Well, i wanna say sure.:) But things make me choose otherwise. My class is like shit, a few of my classmates will piss me off for sure. And most importantly, i won't be in class most of the time. I'll be outside having a dose of death.:) So... I guess u all can just meet me after school or something? WHICH AGAIN, is sort of impossible, because i ain't free. Cause i always make myself busy.:) With unneeded stuff, to get out of unneeded situations.:)

I'm off for a shower. Then i'll see what i wanna do.

Do i seem like i'm calling for help?

Strange. Utterly Strange. Myself that is.

These few days, i've been having very very excessive mood swings [damn this makes me sound like a girl]. But my moods tend to hover over either the irritated or disappointed side.

Irritated by certain people, certain things, certain situations. Things that are happening. Things that AREN'T happening. Things that are going to happen. Things that i THINK are going to happen.

Anyway.

What is even more weird?

My parents.

I don't know what i should feel over this. I was actually extremely confused over that incident. Until i sort of figured out the answer why.

K picture this.

U've just reached home.

U go to ur room.

On ur lappy.

And u are minding ur own business.

Everything seems fine.

SUDDENLY...

There's a knock on ur door.

Ur mom comes in.

She says.

Can u cope with ur studies?

U sure u can cope?

How are ur tests?

U sure ur studies ok?

No stress?

Then she just stands there.

Oh that is just the FIRST part.

Here's the next part.

Ur mom then leaves.

She closes the door.

Not even 10 seconds later.

U hear another knock.

Ur DAD comes in.

And he says...

Can u handle school anot?

U know we recieved the letter right?

Try not to skip again.

Can u cope anot?

Ok ar...

Mommy is sick.

Don't break her heart.

Don't BREAK her heart.

I SWEAR.

When he finished that line.

This song came up in my head. I SWEAR.



At first. I was like... WTF?!

As i was already WTF-ing, my dad suddenly came back into the room.

And said.

Remember, we will always support u.

I was like..

I nvr say u all nvr support me wad.

At the same time.

I was like..

Wait. Support me?

Support me for?

I ain't doing no shit now.



But i got my enlightenment abit later.

Cause i realised that they thought that i skipped school because i couldn't cope with it. Honestly, we all know why we skip school. And we can't tell our parents EVERYTHING can we?


K nvm i dunno wad i'm supposed to be doing now. Oh yar posters. Posters. Posters..

Another one of those days.

Saturday.

Was suppose to work for daniel and help him give out flyers.

But this stupid swollen leg.

And this stupid lazy mindset of mine.

Put me straight face-first into boredom.

Today feels like a Sunday.

Stupid.

Today, i hadn't my daily dose of death. Which sucked. Cause i felt like crying just now.

Stupid.

EVERYTHING IS STUPID.

I RATHER BE ANGRY THAN SAD.

I RATHER BE DRUNK THAN WASTED.

I RATHER BE PHYSICAL THAN VERBAL.

I need a dog. Badly.

No.

I need a companion. Desperately.

I don't want something to be thrown at me to satisfy me.

I want to be GIVEN, what i NEED.

Seriously.

I'm gonna be treating almost everyone this way soon.

Slowly but surely.

I know some of you can see it.

For those that can't?

Good Luck.:)

My daily Death Dose is here.

Just that piece.

A cuddle.
A snuggle.
A pat on the head.
A hug.
A smile that i will remember.
A place.
A person.

A Fantasy will always stay as A Fantasy.

One fantasizes.
But one will realise, even though one may feel good when they fantasize.
In reality it will never happen.
That is when you get a reality check.
Realise that you just dug an even deeper hole to drop yourself in.

How does one get themself out?
Don't ask me.
I'm just digging another hole for myself to drop in.
What goes up, MUST come down.

One day if the sky falls down.
I hope i won't be there to see it.

I want to wake up and see a text message from you and smile.
I want to always anticipate the next time i'm going to see you.
I want to dive into your arms.
I want you to be my other shell.
Where i can share everything.
Where we can share our secrets.
Where we can be alone.

I want you to give me a hug randomly.
I want you to go out with me.
I want to whisper into your ears.
I want to do absolute nonsense with you.
I want you to make me laugh till i cannot do so.
I want to crack jokes to make you laugh till you drop.
I want to be smittened by you and everything you do.

I want to share a bed with you.
Where i can snuggle and cuddle with you till the next day.
And wish that time stopped forever.
I want to smell your hair.
I want you to ruffle my hair till it gets all messy.
I want to be teased by you.
I want to tell EVERYONE about you.
I want to be with you.
For the rest of my life.

Whoever you are.
I'm lost.
My heart is fragile.
I don't trust so much anymore.
I don't talk much anymore.
I don't care much anymore.
I can't have the things that i want.
Can you pick me up?
And bring me on an adventure.
Because i'm in need of one desperately.

Definitely.

YOU know something is not right...
YOU can see that i ain't answering...

Yet.
YOU do not ask anything of it.

I bet YOU can hear that click.
I bet YOU can smell the stench.
I bet YOU can see my behaviour.
I bet YOU know why i took the keys.
I bet YOU know why i kept the keys.
I bet YOU know why i locked the door.
I bet YOU know why i left the house.
I bet YOU think that it is about the dog.

I.
Have.
Just.
Won.
ALL.
OF.
THE.
BETS.

Think.

My Window Grill's open.
My Door is locked.
My Room Keys are in the room.
My Window Grill Keys are in my room.
My Chair is facing the outside of the room.
My Entire Body Is facing the open.

Quick.
Think Fast.
What do you think i'm going to do?

Your Time is running out.
It's Out.

Little Chocolate... Mini Me.

TODAY.
I GOT BACK HOME.
I TOLD MY MOM ABOUT SCHOOL.

THEN...

I CHANGED THE TOPIC TO DOGGY!
I DEBATED WITH HER FOR 1 HOUR!

DAMN!
SHE JUST DIE DIE DON'T WANT ME TO GET A DOG!
EVEN WHEN I SAID IT'S LIKE SMALL!

DAMN!
SHE SAY SHE SCARED!
BUT I'M LIKE, MY FREN THE MOM OSO SCARED AT FIRST, NOW OSO NOTHING!

DAMN!
OMFG!
SHE GAVE ME A CHALLENGE!

SHE SAID.
THERE ARE 6 MEMBERS IN THIS HOUSE.
GET 4 PEOPLE TO GIVE YOU CONSENT.
THEN WE SEE HOW.

WAH LAO!
STILL SEE HOW AR!
$^!%@#$^%#!!

RAWR!
AND!
MY YOUNGER SIBILINGS ARE NOT COUNTED!
THE HONG KAI AND THE JING FANG!
WAH LAO!

MY MOM IS QUITE CERTAIN THAT MY OTHER SIS DON'T WANT.
AND MY MOM IS LIKE DAMN CONFIDENT MY DAD OSO DON'T WANT.

GUESS WHAT?
ME TOO!
T.T

HOW AR?! HELP ME PLZ! I WAN MY CHOCOLATE - POMERANIAN!